


"Cupcake" is not my name!

by Moira Bathory (Midnightsecho)



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Fluff, M/M, cute nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7299934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnightsecho/pseuds/Moira%20Bathory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys is so sick of Jack calling him by ridiculous nick names. He has a name, a very nice one, and he intends to somehow get the other to call him by it... And not die in the process.<br/>Fortunately, he hatches a horrible, horrible plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Cupcake" is not my name!

“Do you mind not calling me kiddo?”  
It felt like this was the millionth time these words fell from Rhys’ mouth. Long since had passed the days when he was a kid, now a budding young man working for one of the most powerful people in the known universe… Who was, simultaneously, the most frustrating person he’d ever had to deal with (and he’d dealt with so many frustrating asses on Helios… It was kind of part of the whole experience. Not that he’d dare call Jack an ass. Even if the pun was near irresistible.).  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," was his boss' dismissive answer, and Rhys couldn't help but sigh at the futility of it all.

At this point, Rhys had started a little jar, where he put a quarter in every time he was frustrated by Jack. At first, he used it to buy himself ice cream, but then it became a new suit (which had garnered him many compliments), and now… Well, he was at a loss, with the jar brimming with quarter after quarter, day after day.  
It obviously wasn’t sinking in, no matter how much he reminded Jack not to use his stupid little pet names. What to do?   
Maybe he should start wearing a button on his shirt? One that read “I HAVE A NAME”?  
Rhys kind of doubted that would work… And it would clash with his outfit. He was a gentleman with a proper, fancy wardrobe. And as much as he’d like the name calling to stop, his image was always his top priority. Always.  
Perhaps he could just… Not answer Jack unless he was using his actual name? In a way that said “You mustn’t be talking to me, because you didn’t say my name.”

That’d probably get him killed and his life, although not glamorous by any means, was still not something he was ready to let go of. He had so many things to do! And people to meet, and money to make...

Something had to be done. Something bigger than just saying “Hey. Stop calling me that.” Something so big that Jack would remember it, but not anything that was horrible or deadly.

He’d find something. Rhys was smart. He was clever. He’d figure this out sooner or later. 

The idea came to him on one day, maybe a week later, during one of his boss’ really weird snack binges. A ridiculous list of all kinds of random foods was given to him and there, he found the answer.  
A chorus of angels sang. Words danced the tango on the page. Everyone applauded, and he was lifted up onto a throne for his genius, crowned king of the most brilliant ideas ever.

Okay. None of that really happened. He was just standing there, staring at the list like it was the best damn thing that had happened.  
“Hey! Now!” Jack snapped at him, and he blinked quickly, out of his daze, but still pleased. Scurrying off like a mouse running from a cat, he took the stairs two by two…  
But couldn’t help the snicker that escaped him the moment the doors shut behind him.  
Even as he was picking thing after thing in the store, carrying the ridiculous amount of heavy, stupid food, he was grinning. People probably thought he was crazy, but he was too busy repeating the amazing pun and plan in his head.  
Did that make him crazy?  
Maybe a little bit. But man, was he beaming with pride.

When Rhys sauntered back into the office, he was still grinning ear to ear. There was a skip in his step. He looked - at least to Jack-, like he’d somehow found the answers to the universe during that menial little food run he’d been sent on. Rhys dropped the snacks on Jack’s desk - Well, not dropped as much as placed properly. He didn’t have a death wish or anything-, holding a single hand behind his back.  
“What’s got you so happy, cupca-”  
Jack stopped right in the middle of his sentence, because a maniacally grinning Rhys just smooshed a whole cupcake right against his cheek.  
Smoosh. It made quite the mess on his cheek.

Rhys burst out laughing, nearly falling down the stairs as he doubled over. Tears formed in his eyes, mainly at the deer-in-the-headlights look Jack had given him, and how silly the whole ordeal was.  
He only stopped when Jack stood up abruptly, nearly knocking his chair over in the process.   
Suddenly it dawned on Rhys that that was not, at all, a good plan. It was a horrible plan, and he was going to die.   
It probably wasn’t going to be a pleasant death. His eyes were wide as saucers when Jack started _laughing._ If he ran now, would he make it to say goodbye to Yvette, and leave his comic book collection to Vaughn in his will? Would Jack stuff cupcakes down his throat until he choked on them?  
A shadow loomed over him and he knew that it was too late to run. May whatever God that existed have mercy on him, because his boss sure as hell wasn’t going to.  
“Ha. I get it. It’s a cupcake. I was calling you- pfft,” he managed between chuckles. Hands were at Rhys’ collar, but they weren’t around his neck, which only made Rhys worry. 

 

“So… You’re going to clean it off… Right~?” he asked almost casually, right up in the younger’s face.

Rhys could probably have fainted then and there, and he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed the dark look in Jack’s eyes. It was unlike the murderous glances he had come to know, shot at people who dared push one of Handsome Jack’s random buttons on that day.  
This was an entirely different look, and Rhys was stunned into silence.   
That certainly didn’t help Jack’s mood though, and one hand left his collar to his chin. Just the movement startled him back into reality, and he nodded as best as he could, before it really dawned on him what was being asked.

He wasn’t stupid, but at that moment, he certainly felt like it, and looked over for confirmation before carefully licking some sweet icing off of his boss’ cheek.  
Jeez. He’d thought that he’d gotten over his fanboy phase two months into the job, but he felt like he was right back in the first day, walking into the huge admirable office and trembling more than an earthquake. Were his legs still there? Because he couldn’t feel them at all. He felt Jack’s chuckle before he heard it, and when there was nothing left, the grip was released and Rhys stumbled before regaining his footing and mumbling about how that actually happened.  
Wow. That actually happened. While he was distracted with that, he didn’t notice that Jack grabbed the rest of the cupcake from the desk. Best not to let it go to waste, so he took a bite and purposely got what little icing that was left on his lips.  
“Huh. Woops. You’d better get that too… _cupcake_ ,” he said almost flatly, though the smirk gave away that he was anything but bored.  
Or maybe he was bored, and that was why he was doing it. Who knew.

Either way, this was an exciting opportunity that Rhys was absolutely going to seize. By the collar. He had one hell of a time trying to kiss Jack with how huge his smile was, and no matter what, he couldn’t make that go away. Not only was he not going to die, but he was also kissing Handsome Jack because he’d _asked_.  
Okay. Maybe he would die out of sheer joy, but it was a lot better than choking on sweets or whatever other horrendous torture his mind had previously concocted. He didn’t think it could get any better than this until he was actively being kissed back.  
It only lasted a little while, but it left Rhys smiling and dazed.

Okay. So it wasn’t the outcome he’d wanted, and that was okay, because things didn’t always go the way you planned them and, to be honest, this was a lot better an outcome.

 

Plus, Rhys saw all the petnames Jack gave him in a new, more wonderful light, especially after Jack asked him out to the new bakery cafe after work with a playful wink that promised more than just coffee and sweets.


End file.
